Sisters Weekend

I have been waiting for this reunion for some time now.

I think we figured out it has been 11 years? Since we last saw each other.

The ‘girls’ are now 16 and 18.

Our mom is what we share in common.

I can remember both of them being born.

Helping change diapers, feeding them baby food and the one time I tossed Jessi up in the air after she ate, which resulted in her puking all over my face and into my mouth.

YUCK!

I adored being able to help with them.

It shaped my motherly instinct I have now.

I grew up having my mom mostly in my life.

It wasn’t until my pre-teen years when she disappeared on Abbi and I.

The girls were 2 and 4?

Maybe 3 and 5, I’m not certain.

My youngest sister has no memory of her, while my older sister has some.

I can remember their dad telling me that my sister cried for an entire month at bed time…asking where her mom was.

It is hard for me to wrap my mind around the kind of pain she felt, at such a young age.

I’ve kept in contact as much as I could with their dad.

I would call on their birthdays.

Ryan (their dad) and I developed a relationship where I could be trusted to talk to them.

He was firm in not wanting my mom to have any information about the girls and I respected his wishes.

My mom has made very little to zero effort to contact her daughters.

She’s told me before that she hopes the girls will come of age and want a relationship with her.

I’m not sure what kind of relationship she thinks she can offer them, when she hasn’t even been there for Abbi and I.

She left to Florida for 5 years.

Plenty of time to sort out whatever issues you have, especially kid-free.

She could of invested in her mental health, saved money, and potentially reconciled with all four of her daughters in a healthy way.

Did she? No. Instead she put on close to 60 pounds.

I did not even recognize her the first I saw her.

She continued to self medicate and wallow in self pity.

Those five years she spent away from Abbi and I were essentially, pointless.

She wound up back in Lubbock because she was going to be ‘homeless’ so Mimi allowed her to come live in their rent house.

It has been 8 years since she moved back to Lubbock.

That’s 5 hours from where her two other daughters live and she never once tried to reach out.

Mimi allowed her to live for almost free and she still didn’t save a dime for herself.

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink, right?

Except I like horses.

My mom is more like a rat.

Sneaky, conniving, and homeless.

We (my sisters & I) made a plan to meet up for brunch.

I was filled with so much anxiety walking up to the restaurant.

This is the moment I had been waiting for, for so long.

Would they like me?

Are they mad at me for not being a better big sister?

Will our relationship suffer because of my mom’s mistakes?

How do I bring her up, because she’s obviously the elephant in the room.

I knew they would be taller than me but I wasn’t expecting to feel so short next to them.

Hugging them felt like an overdue gift.

They are very shy and sweet, I had to do the majority of the chatting at first to bring them out of their shell.

Jessi reminds me of myself a lot.

She did such a good job being a big sister to Riane.

They are like glue.

I know the feeling of being close to your sister because shes’s all you have.

That relationship is crucial.

Riane also reminds me of myself in a sense.

I can see where she wants to push authority and hellllllo, have you met me?

We also share a love for Dr. Pepper and chicken tenders. Coincidence?

Sure. But we still thought it was pretty neat.

It was hard for me not to mention my mom…their mom…our mom.

The majority of the stories I wanted to tell them, my mom was there.

I didn’t want to step on their toes.

Eventually Jessi did say, “I don’t want to be ugly, but I don’t care to know her.”

Of course she wasn’t being ugly.

I will support whatever choice each girl makes.

That’s my job as their big sister, to protect them and offer nothing but the truth.

The adults in my life growing up, wanted to shelter me from my mom.

I won’t do that with my sisters.

Honesty is the best policy is a saying for a reason.

We spent hours chatting about their interests, what they want to do when they get out of high school and boys of course.

I had to tell them all my crazy stories from when I was their age.

Jessi graduates in May, then she is off to nursing school. I’m so proud of her it hurts!

Riane will go into her senior year and for the first time in her life, Jessi won’t be there to be that comfort.

I’m a little worried how she will adjust but, I know she needs that growth.

I’m going to make it my mission to be there for her while she goes into this transition.

Both girls, really.

I can finally be the big sister they deserve.

I beat myself for the lost time with them.

I wonder if it was necessary to go that long without contact?

I have to constantly remind myself that I was a kid, too.

I was growing up.

I had my own hurt to process through.

As much as it hurts me to think of the lost time with them, I also feel comfort in knowing it really did come together at the perfect time.

I’m old enough now to know I want them in my life, which means making an effort to go see them.

I’m mentally healthier because my frontal lobe is done developing and thanks to therapy, duh.

Shout out to Heather, love ya girl.

The girls are old enough to be honest with, which gives us a chance to really heal from the past.

I was so worried they wouldn’t want a relationship with me and instead, they welcomed me with open arms.

Jessi asked me what I was in town for while we were in the pool.

I said “I came to see yall. I’m here for yall.”

She said “Oh? What? Really?”

It hurt my heart that they didn’t realize.

But after all, they aren’t use to that.

We spent the majority of Saturday together before they had to go home to feed their pigs. HAHA!

On Sunday we met up for lunch and ended our trip with getting our nails done.

I hadn’t cried the entire time until the ‘see ya laters’ came.

All that guilt, hurt, but mostly love hit me all at once.

I hugged them as tight as I could and whispered my apologies and I love you’s.

Jessi told me “none of it was any of your fault” and while she’s right, it felt so good to hear her say that.

I can start to let go of that emotional baggage I’ve carried around since I was a child.

That isn’t our story anymore. It’s the past.

We can write whatever we want to now.

THIS is our story now.

l’ll be back at the end of May to see them (maybe if Corona allows it- that cunt).

Summer is around the corner and the girls want to road trip to Lubbock to see me and their niece and nephew.

I feel very emotionally light lately.

I’m thrilled to have sisters to love.

I deserve to have normalcy in my life.

All my love to my baby girls.