OMWTFYD

It has been awhile since I’ve checked in.

I promised myself I would only write when I really marinated on an entry.

I don’t want to rush this process or otherwise the work isn’t as good.

And ya know, I thrive on giving yawl the best of me.

Yeah right, I don’t do shit for you guys.

This is for me.

Let’s touch on that for a second.

^ Over the summer TW (Toilet water…aka, Joseph) ya know my kids father?

Anyways…he called the blog a “dumpster fire” and was very vocal about how people only read it because of that.

I would be lying if I said that didn’t hurt my feelings.

Of course it did. I have shared a huge part of my life on here and I’ve grown so much in my writing.

When I first started doing this 2 years ago, I would max out at about 300 views.

Yes you cock suckers, I can see how many people visit the page…and by the way, I can easily get up to 1000 views now.

Talk about growth, amirite?

I AM PROUD OF MY BLOG AND NO ONE IS GOING TO TAKE THAT FROM ME.

Dumpster fire or not…you’re still spending your time reading it, right? 😉


Now let’s carry on.

I know you happened to notice this is posted under the ‘horny’ category.

Making it the first one…in a long time.

I stupidly didn’t write about any of the *ahem* discretions out of respect for TW’s feelings.

I didn’t want to add anymore hurt to him.

But also I cheated myself out of what I enjoy doing.

And guess what?

HE WAS DOING THE SAME THINGS I WAS.

Ahhhhh, the irony.

He so badly wanted to stay in the victim role, while also sleeping with other people longggg before he filed for divorce.

WHEWIE, Partner.

Fighting fire with fire?

Guess we both got burnt.

Shout out to period girl who left her tampons and bloody baby wipes in his trash can.

GIRL, who raised you?

You don’t know him.

Flush the damn thing.

Trust me, his pipes deserve it.


I guess I should go back to the beginning?

I very vividly remember the first guy I slept with.

He added me on Instagram (gag) and we sent a few messages back and forth.

One night I decided I had enough courage to go through with meeting him and knew it was just sex.

I didn’t want anything else from him.

He picked me up and took me to his…I can’t believe I’m about to expose myself like this…to his, dad’s house.

Dude was 27.

He had given me some story about how he was just ‘in-between’ finding a place to live and honestly, I didn’t give a fuck.

I’m not trying to date this guy.

I just wanted to feel wanted.

So he tells me I have to be quiet walking through the house…that should of been my first warning sign right?

But yall know me, this bitch loves stupid.

We get to his room and the first thing I notice is his xbox on.

Ok wittle boy. If only I knew then, how wittle.

I’m obviously nervous.

I hadn’t slept with anyone besides TW in over five years.

I sat on the bed and he came to be beside me.

I can recall removing my own clothes, in a very business like way.

NOT HIS THOUGH!

Tell me why this fool left his shirt on?

What’re hiding boo?

Dem tiddies?

When he entered me, he made a comment about how tight I was.

*Blush*

and that is saying something because homeboy was rocking a vienna sausage.

Shout out to this postpartum pussy doe.

So he’s on top of me, thrusting for his life.

*Pause*

Here is a piece of free advice for all things with a dick, reading this right now.

STOP HUMPING WOMEN LIKE THIS!

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD!!!!

When men preform this way, we women (I will speak for us, girls) refer to you as a ‘jack rabbit’ and I’ll let you connect the dots on why.

Remember the tale of The Tortoise and The Hare?

Shall I remind you how it ends?

Slow and steady wins the race.

It’s the sensual sex for me.

It’s the man controlling himself for me.

It’s the taking your time to make sure you’ve caressed every inch of my body.

Would you rush dinner?

Would you leave out a main ingredient and have expectations of it being just as good?

Stop expecting women to be wet when you’ve done nothing to make her wet.

Hang on…let me put it in bold.

Stop expecting women to be wet when you’ve done nothing to make her wet!

Do you turn on the oven and just shove your food in?

Or do you wait for it to preheat?

Let me guess… you put your pizza rolls in the microwave.

*insert barf emoji*

Don’t poorly play with my clit and expect that to be the extent of foreplay.

If I’m not wet it’s because of you.

If you want a woman to cum with you (and let’s be real, research has shown that the likelihood of a woman cumming with a new partner isn’t high) destroy the idea that you get to cum too.

Are yall okay guys?

You still there?

I read an article that said ‘72% of women have experienced a time when their partner orgasmed but made no attempt to help them finish.’

Your best bet is to maximize the foreplay and hold back until she cums.

Otherwise you can bet your ass, your picture with a text will be sent to her close friends saying something along the lines of…..

Alright that’s enough man shaming (not really) let me get back to my story.

We switched to me being on top for like…2 minutes?

Before he flipped me to my stomach and entreated me from behind.

He probably felt safe in that position because man was he a dog.

He fucked me for a few more minutes before pulling out and cumming all over my back.

The audacity.

I don’t want your seamen as lotion.

Cum on yourself, bitch.

I’m in the middle of searching for my clothes and he says “I went ahead and hurried up because I could tell you weren’t into it”

Ladies…Bitches…Fellow Hoes…

That is code for “I’m embarrassed I came so quickly because in reality I never cared about getting you off and I never even tried.

I only wanted mine and now I’m putting blame on you because I don’t know how to properly do foreplay and I’m not even sure what a clit is.

I rely solely on porn to teach me what I should do.”


Six weeks had gone by when I received a snap from him.

He asked me if I’ve slept with anyone else during that time period.

To which I answered honestly and said yes.

He wanted to know who…which I thought was incredibly inappropriate because who the fuck are you to me?

No one.

What I choose to do (or who) with my body (and I can’t stress this enough) is no one’s fucking business but my own.

Imagine thinking a woman owes you an explanation.


^

Here lies an example of every insecure man, we as women, have run across.

I initially marked out his user name when this all went down but, he doesn’t deserve the privacy.

By the way, I told him I would expose him for being an asshole, to which he responded with “and I’ll post your nudes on the internet”

*Yawn*

Please do.

They’re good nudes and mommy tits are L I TTY TITTY!!!

Imagine trying to roast someone like me.

I’ve done so much self work.

I’ve accepted every bad choice I’ve ever made.

In the words of Brene Brown “I’m so comfortable with myself it’s dangerous.”

Who takes someone to their dads house and then slut shames them?

I didn’t wanna have to fuck your dad but now you’ve given me no other choice.

I’m kidding.

I didn’t fuck his dad but I was going to toilet paper his house until ya know…all the toilet paper went missing from every store in town.

Wanna hear the best part?

Of course I saved it for last.

This piece of shit still hits me up on IG.

If it’s not him messaging me (I have him muted) then it’s him sending me request after request to follow me again.

I know what you’re thinking “why haven’t you blocked him?”

Bitch so I can post these screenshots.

Last message was from November 8th, a week ago.

You read that right…A WEEK AGO!

Imagine fucking someone one time, eight months ago.

They slut shame you.

Then attempt to crawl back for this wet ass pussy?

Yeah fucking right bro.

^

Josh if he ever sees this….